Why You May Be Struggling To Reach Your Goals
Blaming and beating ourselves up when we fall short is never the goal. We don’t set goals to feel bad about ourselves. And that certainly isn’t the goal of this post.
I believe that we set goals for a reason - because we want to reach them. And when we struggle to do so, it is worth taking a closer look into why that may be. When we can recognize why we are struggling or exactly what is holding us back, we are in a much better position to begin to move forward. What’s more, if we can begin to recognize which kinds of hurdles trip us up most often, we will be in a prime position to anticipate them even before they occur.
Struggles are part of the process of reaching our goals - often, they result in the very growth that we are trying to achieve. But they become unproductive when we are unable to move past them. So, to assist in recognizing what may be holding you back, I’m going to share some of the struggles that I see most often in the lives of my clients, others, and my own life as well.
The first big hurdle occurs when the goal that is set is too vague. Striving to be “healthier” or to “work out more” or to “eat healthier” are all good goals, but they are hard to achieve because it is difficult to know if we are meeting that benchmark or doing that “enough.” But by attaching more specific parameters to such goals, it is much easier to identify whether we are actually meeting our goals - which is kind of the point.
Similarly, for that type of goal, we may have no way of knowing where we are at with reaching it. This can happen even if we know we want to go to the gym a certain number of times a week or we are striving to eat vegetables a certain number of times a day - if we have no way to track our progress, it makes it easy to feel like no progress is being made. But by using time trackers, don't break the train trackers, or incidence trackers, we can more clearly identify where we’re at in our progress towards a specific goal. We may have concrete goals, but if we still don't know how we're doing on them, it can be hard to know if they are being reached. We want to find success in reaching our goals because we set them for a reason. But that requires us to know whether or not we are actually doing the things we said we were going to do.
Focusing solely on long-term goals can be another hurdle. While long-term goals are great for keeping focus over a long period of time (generally years), often those types of goals don’t feel super applicable or powerful right now. It can also be difficult to know exactly what steps we need to be taking now in order to make those future goals possible. So, if we are losing perspective on a long-term goal, we need to break it down into more tangible and concrete components that personalize it to right now. This is made easier by the fact that often our values or our purpose behind reaching the goal will be the same both now and in the future, so we can use that same motivation, inspiration, and intentionality to fuel our action now. However, it is worth noting that sometimes, our long-term goals don’t have anything to do with our current life, and we can put them off as something we will tackle in the future.
Struggles can also occur when our goals just exist in our heads. The easiest way to solve this problem is simply by writing down our goals. Studies show that this act alone makes reaching our goals more likely. Even if we don't feel comfortable sharing our goals with anyone else, writing them down can be so powerful. When we haven't externalized that desire in any way, it's something that is solely in our head, and as such, a lot of the time, we are lacking a clear understanding of what exactly we're working towards. But by writing down or externalizing our goals in some way, we are taking the first step toward getting our goals and the things that we want outside of our heads, into the real world.
Another hurdle I frequently see occurs when we neglect to celebrate our wins. When we take action that's in alignment with things that we want, it's so important to celebrate. It helps us to build momentum, increase our motivation, and to continue our success in other things. We definitely don't want to downplay our successes, instead, we need to take time to celebrate and be proud of and congratulate ourselves for all that we have achieved.
We may also be struggling if we are focusing in the wrong direction or on the wrong things - such as when we focus on all the things we have to do in order to reach our goals, instead of what we want to achieve and why we want to do so. When we focus on the problems of the past (or a wish that we had started to work on a goal years ago), or even what we are struggling with in the present, we lose sight of the big picture - which is ultimately, what it really is all about.
Let’s be real, another big hurdle for many of us is time and not feeling like we have enough of it. However, I totally believe that all of us can make time for the things that matter to us - and if that includes our goals (which it really should), then we can make time for them too. It may not be as much time as we would like, or even at the times during the week we expected, but with some experimentation, time-tracking, and concerted effort, we can often begin to make progress. We can make time for the things that matter to us, and if our goals and resolutions fall into that category, we can figure out how to make time for them as well.
Accountability is also key to reaching goals for many people. It can come in many forms and from many outside sources. It's so powerful to announce a goal or to share a goal with someone else or with a program or a group, to have other people recognize that desire, offer encouragement and support, and provide guidance and direction. I frequently advise people that if they are struggling to reach a goal and nothing else that is working, they should experiment with the support that accountability can provide.
This doesn’t occur often, but can be a big stumbling block when it does. Sometimes, our goals are in conflict, which makes reaching them incredibly difficult. One such example is desiring to slow down and take more stuff off of your plate (such as when you have a new kid, are transitioning into a new season, or for any other reason), but also considering starting a new business, going back to school, getting a new job, or any other major life change. Such goals are in conflict. While it may be possible to do all of the above, it is probably more effective to recognize this may not be the time to do both. Acknowledging that our goals may be in conflict is the first step toward deciding what to do about it.
Another frequent struggle is having a lack of vision. When I work with clients, I start by helping them create a vision of where they want to be in a year. It is such a powerful exercise and one that I do myself all the time. Vision is incredibly important as we determine what it is we want and why we want those things. Vision is instrumental in guiding us as we work towards a goal and maintain our motivation and inspiration all along the way. When we are lacking vision, we don't have that overarching sense of what it is we're heading towards. Fortunately, it is never too late (or too early) to create a vision to help us get back on track.
For many people, perfectionism also plays a huge role in failing to reach our goals. It’s counterintuitive but true. The core of perfectionism is all or nothing thinking - believing we have to do something perfectly or not at all. And in reaching our goals, a lot of times, that isn't possible (or even the goal). Some amount of striving for progress is good, but when we get caught up in perfection, we often get in our own way because it is unlikely we will ever meet that standard of perfection. But by lessening up on that perfectionistic standard, and recognizing all of the success that exists between all or nothing, we can reduce our reliance on that perfectionist perspective and move onto whatever alternative perspective we need to have on ourselves and our goals in order to accomplish them.
Resisting resistance may also be holding us back. Although we know intellectually that reaching our goals won’t always be easy, we are often surprised when things get difficult or when obstacles arise. Rather than figuring out how to move past them, we can let them completely stand in our way. Often, we need to remind ourselves that this is part of it. Rather than resisting the resistance and refusing to accept things as they are, we can use that same energy to make forward progress or figure out how to do so. Otherwise, we are just wasting energy, making ourselves feel bad about the way that things are, and reducing the likelihood that we keep moving forward on the things that we want. Resistance is meant to be part of the process. That’s where the growth occurs.
We may also struggle to reach our goals if they're not actually our goals. Sometimes we see other people do things, and we think that we should want to do those things as well. Or we know that other people really want us to do these things or to do these things with them. Or society has convinced us we will be fulfilled if we drink smoothies, meditate, or try CrossFit. But if we are struggling to get into something that someone convinced us that we should do, it's okay to recognize it isn't actually something that we want. And then, to let those things go.
Another common struggle occurs when we don’t optimize our environment for success. This may look like continuing in old habits that undermine new ones, spending time with people who don’t support the new lifestyle we are trying to create, or even keeping ice cream in the freezer despite deciding not to eat sugar after 6 pm. We don't have to just white-knuckle our way to success. There are times when it is appropriate to recognize that by changing some factor of our environment or our circumstances or our surroundings, our goals will be easier to reach.
We may also be struggling to reach our goals because we are believing “I don’t know” about something. Most of the time, that belief is a lie. Our brains are very powerful processing machines, and they are incredible at figuring out just about any problem. Our brain loves to tell us “I don't know” because it saves energy. That answer allows it to get out of trying to find the solution to the problem we are facing. But if we can stop believing “I don’t know” and at least switch to, “maybe I can figure it out,” we will be in a much more powerful place to keep moving forward.
Finally, we may struggle to reach our goals if they are not in line with our values. This can occur when goals are in conflict or if we are experiencing cognitive dissonance around one we are currently working on. To resolve this problem, we must recognize and identify our values, determine which is the highest priority in a given situation, and decide if our current goals align with our current values.
While there are a lot of reasons we struggle to achieve what we want (this was long but far from an exhaustive list), it is important to consider why we may not be reaching our goals.
Even if we are not struggling with something right now, by looking back and identifying what we often do struggle with, we are able to keep the past from repeating in the future - or at least, recognize when it does. And if we're ready for our common hurdles, then we don't have to worry about them or waste time, effort, or energy on them unnecessarily.
By recognizing them, we are in a much better position to acknowledge and identify them when they do appear - and then we are, of course, in a much better position to keep moving forward.
And that is what it is all about.
Until next time,